Did you know there that just like there is an awkward stage for children, there is an awkard stage for moms? It’s been around for centuries, I just created a name for it is all. I never read a book that prepared me for the awkard stage of motherhood. The typical timeline of motherhood went something like this; give birth, raise the child, child leaves home, done.
Of course there is a lot that goes on there that books prepare you for. I read so many books about preparing to give birth. I read even more books on raising children properly and biblically. I should have read a lot of books about the teen & young adult years but I didn’t. But is there a book out there that writes about that strange stage a woman finds herself in when she has adult children married with children while she is still raising children at home? I’m sure there is. There is a book about everything.
It wasn’t hard at first. When my last baby was born, my oldest was 21. That was fun! I still had many children at home to care for. As the years passed quickly, more and more children began leaving home. Either for marriage or just because they could. That’s fine. That’s what I raised them to do. But all of a sudden it was like my once very busy home was emptying out. Now it was quiet. It stayed tidy. There were always lots of leftovers from dinner because I was struggling to adjust to not cooking for a crowd. Laundry was caught up (for the most part). It was weird!
I wasn’t that mom that dreamed of the day when my kids finally moved out so I could do whatever I wanted to do. I wasn’t that mom that felt like I had put my life on hold to raise a family. I was that mom that knew motherhood was my calling. I was that mom that even though it was so hard and I did it wrong so much of the time, I really did love being a mom.
And now, I don’t really feel much like a mom. None of my kids needs me to survive. I’ve taught them how to do that without me. I’ve basically worked myself out of a job.
I often prayed, “Lord, I don’t know if I like this!”
The worst part of the awkward stage is that it often comes about the same time as peri-menopause. It’s like the perfect storm! I am the storm. I giggle as I type that because I can hear my family all moaning in agreement.
At the risk of this becoming a ranting and rambling post, I do have a point. Contentment.
I’ve been reading a very old book. Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment by Jeremiah Burroughs. You can download it here. In his book, Burroughs is dissecting Pauls words in Philippians 4:11,
“I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.“
Burroughs summarizes the definition of contentment by saying this.
I find a sufficiency of satisfaction in my own heart, through grace of Christ that is in me. Though I have not outward comforts and worldly conveniences to supply my necessities, yet I have a sufficient portion between christ and my soul abundantly to satisfy me in every condition.
This gave me great pause on my current state of mind.
I kept reading.
He goes on to write that contentment is an inward, heart thing. It results in a quiet, gracious heart. It does not murmur or whine, nor does it fret or grumble. He also said it is a skill and a duty of a Christian. Referring to it as a skill means it is learned, not natural. My sin nature is too strong for me to be naturally content. No one is naturally content. We all have our thing in which we grumble and fret.
So, how does one learn the skill of contentment? Looking at the life of Paul there is something that stands out to me. Submission. His whole life was lived in submission to Christ. He was completely satisfied in Christ. He had died to self. His identity was in Christ.
As a Christian woman what does that look like for me in today’s world? No matter the season I find myself in, my duties as a Christian are still the same. My heart and mind must belong to Christ, I must submit my will, my longings, my desires to Him. I also must understand that everything he has blessed me with still belongs to him. My family, my marriage, my friendships, my material possessions. It all belongs to him, to do with as he pleases because he is my Creator. Does this bother you to think of God in the way? It actually brings me great comfort because I hold things with a lighter grip. My life is his. And when I can learn to find complete satisfaction in that truth, contentment is not far behind.
This contentment draws me to my Jesus like nothing in this world can. I long for more time in his word, I make time for prayer and Bible study and my soul is left satisfied. As Paul told Timothy in his first letter, “But godliness with contentment is great gain.” (1 Timothy 6:6)
So, back to my awkward mom stage. I began asking the Lord to show me the blessings of this new season I find myself in. My groaning became less and I have become more content.
My mom used to have a magnet on her refrigerator that said,
“Please be patient. God’s not finished with me yet.”
How great is that? God is never finished with us! I believe that is the purpose of him bringing us into new seasons. They are all an opportunity for us to grow more into his likeness.
Dana Bailey 